Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
