I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
