You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
