honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
