im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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