you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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