I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I love you.
Bad choice
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
