hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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