He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
