I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
