I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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