Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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