I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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