I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
