im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
PANTIES FOUND
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