I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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