I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize