can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
