so explain again why im purple
no
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
