I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I party with great urgency now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
