im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
