I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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