from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize