proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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