I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
