I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
