You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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