It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
