My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Floor bacon is actually really good
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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