Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
