I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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