Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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