yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
