okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
