M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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