god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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