Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You dont lie about slip and slides
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
