So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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