ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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