I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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