we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
