Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize