i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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