Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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