She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
