Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We just shotgunned beers for America
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
