I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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