I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
