bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
