someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
