My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
