Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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