Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
