i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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