i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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