i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize