I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
