Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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