"it" just moved
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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