Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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