Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
