I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
