Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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