That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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