someone owes me an orgasm
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I need to calm my uterus...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
