Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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