oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize