My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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