I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
