He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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