I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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