It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
