think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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