First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
