so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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