xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
