I wish I could teleport
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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