thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
