Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
