I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
