Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
