I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
