That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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