Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
