I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
