puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
